When is that moment?

When is that moment in which you know love is real? Is when you look at that other person across from you, and can't imagine a life without them? When you look into their eyes, and you can't remember a time when they weren't there. When you upset them and it feels like you hurt yourself along with them. Perhaps its different for everyone, and sometimes, maybe you don't know, until they are no longer there. You never know what is, until it is no longer. It is such a cruel truth, that you never realize what you have, until it is no longer with you. So many make that mistake, perhaps its there for us to learn. To learn not to repeat our mistakes, help us to make better choices, to reflect on who we are, to plant that mirror at our feet, and take a good look at who we are. If we don't like what we see, how can we expect others to do the same? So when is that moment? Don't try and hide it from the one you love, nothing worse than loving someone and never telling them. Better to let it out and be known, than to live with what might have been. At least you can have comfort in knowing you tried. So brings us back to that question, when is that moment, when we pour our hearts out to the other? When we realize that this person before you is the "one"? So I ask you, when is that moment?

Take the time

A soul that completes your own. A person that when they are next to you, you feel complete, happy, serine. What happens to someone when one or the other decides to leave? Emptiness, sorrow, a feeling of having lost a part of yourself along with this other person. How do you get over something like that? Is there really a day that comes when you just stop loving them? Putting on a mask for the world, so you can do what you need to do, perhaps is the best you can manage. They are in your dreams, in your thoughts, and still very much a part of your life emotionally. Is it obsession? The dictionary describe obsession as follows , a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling; compelling motivation an obsession with profits. So by definition, technically, eating could be an obsession. If you don't eat you will die, you are compelled to eat to survive. So not a very fitting definition. A persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling. In my opinion obsession does not cover Love, esp true love.
Now let's look at Love.... strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.
When you find that certain someone, that makes you feel alive for the first time. Feel truly loved and adored for all that you are, and you return those feelings to the one you love. What can go wrong with a situation like that? Some might say, pride, greed, unfaithfulness can disrupt those things, but if you love someone so much, why would you do anything to hurt their feelings.

We are all human, is the answer, with your many faults. We get caught up in our lives, our jobs, our projects, our wants and desires. Sometimes some of those situations don't exactly mix with our soulmates, and friction is created. How you deal with that friction is where the key lies. Taking the time to talk, to do things together, to accept each other for who they are. You can only change yourself, you can't change anyone else.

So a little more back on track, if the friction takes place, and continues for some time, it puts strain on both sides of the relationship, resentment builds if not talked about, resentment builds bitterness, and bitterness breeds hate. So if things are left undealt with, two people who love each other very much, end up hating each other, because each one can't believe the other one, did what they did, or feels like they do, or any number of reasons that could have been diffused.

Plus there is always the friend factor, you have people on both sides of the fence, "Oh you're making a big mistake, you're better off without him/her," or any number of combinations of things, especially if they like to see drama take place, they want to stir it up so they benefit in some way, given these people aren't really your friends, but you won't know that until its too late down the road. The only way to be sure, is to listen to your heart and not to others on what you should do.

If you find yourself being upset at your other half, take the time to evaluate it. Is it really worth fighting about? Is it really that big of a deal in the big scheme of things? How would you feel if this argument was the last thing you two ever said to each other?

Think about it, you never know when that moment may be your last together.

The Frost

Frost lingers near the ground, the kind that just floats effortlessly through the air, I feel cold. Is it that I feel cold, or have I just grown numb. Reaching out to touch the stone of the street, feeling its face, it's texture, surely I'm not dead, I can feel. Taking in a deep breath, the cold air rushing in, stinging every passageway like a thousand needles. Surely I'm alive I can feel. There has never been a time like this before. Standing at a crossroads, the frost seems clearer here. Which road will I choose? Where must I go from here? Will my legs carry me the distance? So many choices, so unclear. It feels like I lost something, something important. Perhaps I will remember soon enough. Frost seems more heavy now, how it eats away at my bare flesh, the cold how it stings. I fall to my knees, the pain is too much, "For the love of God what temperature is it?" I shout outloud. "Dude it's 95 according to the bank sign." says a passerby in Bermuda shorts.

Today

Summer days are beginning to cool. Taking a moment to think about the summer past. So many things have changed. The one force that always moves forward. Some good, some not so great, and some down right miserable. One cannot pick and choose which part of life to live. You experience it all. I'm richer for the experience. I have lived and learned. My heart still beats. My lungs still breathe. My body is healing and my mind is clear. Every morning is a new beginning. Making the most of each day. I will not ever take a moment for granted again. I will enjoy each moment, live it to its fullest each and every day. I shall not return to ways of the past. I stand here new and alive. I look forward to today and all of its experiences.

My love doesn't falter, will not grow old. My love shall endure. It asks for nothing in return, I accept it for what it is.

Dreams of contention

Dreams continue to haunt me. Never knowing how they will turn out, or when I will awake from them. Why must I be the one to shoulder this burden? Will I ever be able to lift this weight and toss it aside? Reaching into myself, the strength that exists humbles me. So many things have revealed themselves to me. Pain has been a way of life in the past, no more. I alone have the control to make these changes. I don't make these changes for others, but for myself. Faults exist in everyone including me. I cannot deny that simple truth. We all fall short. However, we can always strive to be something better. More than just a sum of ourselves. Anger, shame, pride, have all melted away in the fire. I remain. I rise from these ashes a new man. Different, changed, but somehow familar and the same. I am who I am and nothing more, nothing less.

I don't fit in conventional molds, so don't try and stuff me into one. My heart beats with love, loyalty, and friendship.

Limbo

Tossing and turning, lingering in limbo between awake and dream. A face comes clear to me. Reaching out, straining against whatever holds me. Trying to speak , there is no sound. Such beauty just beyond my grasp. Not able to wake myself, not able to fully escape into slumber, forced to exist between dream and reality. When the sun breaks through the window, helping me to break this cycle. Feeling as though I've been drug behind a truck. Taking a moment, the pain I feel is sobering. I say to myself "What will be, will be." My whole body aches this morning, but pales in comparison to the ache I feel elsewhere. May this day bring with it peace.

Restless

Reaching out, searching for something familar, something lost. The sleep is still in my eyes, not able to open them fully. "What time is it?" I think to myself. Feels like it's been forever since I've slept. My body aches, my neck is sore. Seeing that I've only been asleep for a few hours I lie there. Thoughts keep racing through my head. It is as it is every night, the torture that must be endured, that must be beaten." Will this pain end, will it finally let me slip into sweet slumber? Will there come a moment in which I break? ", all things that flow through my thoughts. Getting up from the bed, making my way through the house, I visit the sink, splash some water on my face, stopping for a moment to look in the mirror. "Did I make the right decisions, was there anything I could have done different?" I ask the image in the glass. "Things happen for a reason I suppose." So many people have told me those words, but I find no comfort in that fact. Wandering into the kitchen, I find my bottle of pain killers. Staring at them, "Well I'd like to save them for an emergency, but I would really like to sleep," I think to myself. Taking a couple of them, then waiting for them to do their thing.

Noticing it's warmer than usual, I turn on the A/C. I haven't needed it in days, so to need it at night is unusual. I climb back into bed, pull the blankets up over me. My head starts to ease up on the pounding, my neck starts to relax. All of the pain starts to fade. All but one... all but one...

Run in...

Stopping in at one of my regular stops on my daily rounds. I happen to be standing in line behind a woman waiting to be rung up for her purchases. Standing behind her, or course I notice her figure, she is quite lovely. Hearing her speak, her voice didn't seem to quite fit the body somehow. She was standing there visiting with the clerk for a moment, he carded her for her purchases. He remembered her from a previous visit after looking at her I.D. I bumped into her and she turned around and I could see why she was being carded, she was beautiful. Her face was ageless. She was 28 years old, and looked like barely 18. The clerk, her and myself talked for a few minutes, he was talking about being married and having kids, she talked about her last relationship. 8 years and he left with another woman. As she talked about the details a little bit, I had an urge to reach out and hug her, but I restrained myself."I'm so sorry that had to happen to you, I mean you're definately better off, but that doesn't take the pain away." I had a story of my own to share, in an attempt to let her know I understand her pain. "Is it so hard to find someone to hold, to love, to do things with and for? Someone who won't lie to you, use you, are those people really that rare?" I asked. "I just really want someone to cook for", she said. "Oh Really?", was my reply. "I Love to cook" she said, as she spoke I could see her passion for it welling up inside of her. "I tell you what, I love to cook as well, let me cook for you." She didn't hesitate a moment, "Sure, I would love that" "If you are good, I'll let you help", I snickered.
We parted ways without exhanging information. If it's meant to be, I'll see her again.

Morning

The days are getting colder. No longer need to turn on the A/C. The house pretty much heats in morning and cools in the evening to comfortable levels on it's own. Sitting here in quiet contemplation a thought comes to me.

What makes people want to control? What does it mean to be in "control"? There are those who try and control others. For what purpose do they do these things? Power, hate, love, what would fuel someone to treat others in that fashion.

When a parent stops their child from doing something that will hurt them, it's control, but not meant with a malicious intent. It is because they can see what will happen, or what could happen during certain activities. The child isn't aware of all of the dangers associated with that situation, so the parent steps in to "save the day".

When we get older, we no longer have that safety net. We are allowed to find out things on our own. Find our way and muddle through best we can based on what we've learned and experienced.

So what happens when a friend or loved one sees us taking a path that they see as destructive or harmful? They offer advice and support. They may even plead with the person not to proceed, but they realize, it is the person's own decision to make. Good or bad, everyone has the right to do as they please. The choice and the responsibility lies with the person. All their family and friends can do is be there in case they are needed.

The only real control any person has is that over themself.

My what a beautiful day it is today. It isn't spring time, but I can't help but feel love in the air.

Love your neighbor as yourself

Sometimes I find myself at odds with the world. The world has become a place so full of hate and discontent.

Back east, people kill each other for being a different religion. Two religions that preach peace and tolerance, but will go to extreme measure to kill the other one. Does that make sense? How do you declare holy war on someone in the name of a book who says, be patient, be tolerant, seek peace. I mean how different is it really from racism. Black, White, Brown, Yellow, wanting to kill each other for their physical differences. Religions wanting to kill each other for how they believe. They claim to be such a moral society. Moral by whose standards? I think alot of good would come if they would stop, and pray to their respective Gods and seek peace of mind for themselves and forgiveness for others.

Whatever happened to those days, where a person's barn burned down, everyone would pitch in to help them build a new one? Are we so wrapped up in our own needs, that we can't see the needs of others? These times are some of the toughest people have faced since the great depression. Joblessness and divorce are on the rise. It seems that instead of turning to the people we love, we want to just walk away. That to me is a disturbing trend.

We as a people have become so selfish, so blind to what is around us, we've lost sight of what is important. I don't claim to know what is important, I have weaknesses as everyone does. I fall short of my ideal standards, but that doesn't stop me from trying to better myself.

Let us all take a moment, take a deep breath, take stock in what we do have, get our perspective, then perhaps we can act as we should.

Angels

"Has anyone ever seen an angel?" was the question. I didn't have an answer. Searching my memories and experiences, sifting through the life I have lived. My personal answer was no. "No I have not seen an angel to my knowledge" Perplexed by my answer, they left to proceed with their inquiries. Not thinking much of the question, returning home to do the nightly routine. My subs were busy with their lives, or were out of town having fun. "A night to just relax and unwind" I thought to myself. "It has really been forever since I've taken the time to take time for me." As that thought formed in my head, I realized that I'd been focused on doing things for other people. "Where am I in all of this?" I wondered. Trying to be there for so many people, I'd lost focus of who I was. "I'm still the same person I've always been, I just haven't taken time for fun or relaxation."

Reflecting upon adventures had, it seems that my submissives have been the ones looking over me. It is so much fun to play with them. In no small way they have helped to keep me sane. So willing they are to please me, and me eager to please them in return. They have been here sitting at my feet all along, my little, lovely angels.

Thankyou

Forever in a Dream

Mist all around me,"Where am I?" It feels familar, yet so alien. " How did I get here, and where exactly is here?" I ask myself. Images of long past circle me, I reach out, only to find that I cannot touch what isn't really there. There is one image, that circles me, the past comes flooding back, my heart burns, my soul feels on fire. Blame, hurt, shame, so familar are these, through tears, looking around I find myself on my knees. The mist is closing in around me. The weight of a thousand worlds is bearing down on me. Any moment will be the moment I crumble. "Is this how it's going to be?" I ask. "Why must I be the one to bear this?" I cry out into the darkness. When the weight becomes to much, an instant away from sucumbing to the strain. it becomes clear.

"Because you are the only one with the strength to bear it." I didn't say the words, they just were. Not spoken, nor heard, they just were. Deep inside, deeper than anything I've felt before, something has broken, has given way, a light, a strength begins to flow. Slowly filling me with warmth and love. The images retreat, the weight is still there upon me, roaring into the darkness, "I will not be broken!!!!"
With that

I Stand.

Contemplation

have found much inspiration as of late to use as my muse. However, by contrast, today was a rather trying day. Nothing in particular to cause me distress. Perhaps this is one of those "Blah" days. I reach out into the night, my heart pounding, seeking, feeling, loving, weeping. The moon shines down upon me with it's light, cool and brillant. The sky is alive with twinkles from the heavens. Thank you, all of creation, for reminding me how beautiful you are.