Forsaken

"Live what you believe" has always been my motto. All appearances point to a belief system that changes based on the current desires at hand. Is that how someone should live their life? What kind of person goes around preaching one thing and doing another? Too many in these present times it seems. This woman, the love of my life, sitting there, talking, as if she is someone that I'm no longer familiar with. It as if a stranger has taken up residence. After so much time together, wouldn't I have seen these hidden things? Could I have been so blind to trust her with my inner most feelings, desires, thoughts and feelings, to just have them bashed upon the rocks? How can someone claim so much love, and walk away? Did they lie, did they realize it wasn't love, did they fall in love with someone else? All these questions and not many answers. No one will ever know the truth to these questions. Acceptance of the cold reality is the only hope of survival. " Even if you were a fool to trust someone with your heart, you can't let it break you. Not everyone will be as cold as heartless." I tell myself through the tears. As my heart aches, with every beat feels like bursting. The pain radiates through me, I find myself on my knees "God please, I can't handle it anymore, please just end this, have mercy on me and just take me home." Silence is all that surrounds me, in the quiet darkness, as though all that exists has forsaken me.

Pain

The key turned in the door, like it had a hundred times before. Walking inside, the door making that familiar sound when closed. Taking a moment to look around at this dwelling. I realized how empty it truly was. Shaking off that feeling and going about my business as I always do. Taking a moment to check messages, just to see if anyone had tried to get a hold of me. Empty, "That's odd, usually there is at least a solicitor or two that calls during the day," I think to myself. Turning on some music to sooth me after a difficult day. The sounds resonate through the room, and no comfort does it bring me. I feel restless, inconsolable and I don't take the time to focus on it. Ignoring it the best that I can, pretending it's not there. "Well time for bed, more to do tomorrow," I say out loud. Retiring to the bedroom, pulling back the covers, climbing into that comfortable place of warmth. Even these satin sheets and heavy comforter don't feel right this evening. Turning over on my side, my mind wanders back to a happier time. A time which there was more warmth between these sheets than there is now. I fight the feeling, but succumbing, tears still manage to find their way to the surface. "How long will it hurt like this?," I ask, I now there is no answer to be had. No one can face this but me. I'm the one who is here because of choices made. Bearing this burden falls upon who has created it. Never having guessed that love could bring with it so much pain. Thinking that if I had it to do over, you know, even knowing how much I hurt now, without hesitation I'd do it all over again. I'd love her anyways....

Tinted Glass

I can't help but wonder if anyone has ever had something happen, that affected everything you said and did. To make a mistake, that no matter what you did after, everything was then tainted in the eyes of someone else? It seems as though the past was rewritten and every nice thing you ever said and did no longer mattered. Everything you do now and then is seen through like a piece of tinted glass. No matter how hard you try to get them to see the real you, it's in vein, they've made up their minds. Perhaps only time can lift such a veil.